Gosh it disturbs me to see me, myself

Looking so down in the dumps

Every guy here'd love to be me, myself

Even when taking my lumps

There's no man in town as admired as me

I'm everyone's favorite guy

Everyone's awed and inspired by me

And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as I am

No one's quick as I am

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as mine is

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

No one's been like I am

A king pin like I am

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like I have

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating

Give five "hurrahs!"

Give twelve "hip-hips!"

Sam Buckley's the best

And the rest is all drips

No one fights like I do

Douses lights like I do

In a wrestling match nobody bites like I do

For there's no one as burly and brawny

As you see I've got biceps to spare

Not a bit of me's scraggly or scrawny

(That's right!)

And every last inch of me's covered with hair

No one hits like I do

Matches wits like I do

In a spitting match nobody spits like I do

I'm espcially good at expectorating


Ten points for Buckley!

When I was a lad I made four dozen edits

Every morning to make my count large

And now that I'm grown I make five dozen edits

So my count is the size of a barge

No one shoots like I do

Makes those beauts like I do

Then goes tromping around wearing boots like I do

I use antlers in all of my decorating

Say it again

Who's a man among men?

And then say it once more

Who's the hero next door?

Who's a super success?

Don't you know? Can't you guess?

Ask his fans and his five hangers-on

There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down

And his name's B-u-c...k