Gosh it disturbs me to see me, myself
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be me, myself
Even when taking my lumps
There's no man in town as admired as me
I'm everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by me
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as I am
No one's quick as I am
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as mine is
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
No one's been like I am
A king pin like I am
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like I have
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Sam Buckley's the best
And the rest is all drips
No one fights like I do
Douses lights like I do
In a wrestling match nobody bites like I do
For there's no one as burly and brawny
As you see I've got biceps to spare
Not a bit of me's scraggly or scrawny
And every last inch of me's covered with hair
No one hits like I do
Matches wits like I do
In a spitting match nobody spits like I do
I'm espcially good at expectorating
Ten points for Buckley!
When I was a lad I made four dozen edits
Every morning to make my count large
And now that I'm grown I make five dozen edits
So my count is the size of a barge
No one shoots like I do
Makes those beauts like I do
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like I do
I use antlers in all of my decorating
Say it again
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
And his name's B-u-c...k