My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I live for.

To help unfortunate users like yourself.

Poor souls with no one else to turn to.

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a bitch

But you'll find that nowadays

I've mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light, and made a switch

To this

And I fortunately know a little coding

It's a talent that I always have possessed

And dear lady, please don't laugh

I use it on behalf

Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls

In pain, in need

This one wanting to write good blogs

That one wants to edit more

And do I help them?

Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls

So sad, so true

They come flocking to my talk page

Crying, "Help, Shellturtle, please!"

And I help them!

Yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice

Someone couldn't pay the price

And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals

Yes I've had the odd complaint

But on the whole I've been a saint

To those poor unfortunate souls


Come on you poor unfortunate soul

Go ahead!

Make your choice!

I'm a very busy turtle and I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

Just your vote!

You poor unfortunate soul

It's sad but true

If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet

You've got the pay the toll

Take a gulp and take a breath

And go ahead and sign the scroll

Relic, Drummer, now I've got 'em, boys

The boss is on a roll

These poor unfortunate souls