(Hippo, Katie, Bloxx, Ghost, Masta, Kaley and. Cam enter The Friendly Beth. They are met by the Landlord).

Narrator Riley: In the hills, there resides an Inn known as The Friendly Beth. The Landlord, Cheria, runs the Inn with the help of his loving wife Kovarro.

Song: Master of the House


Cheria: Beth doesn't believe in aggressiveness. You will be subdued.

(Cheria knocks Masta out with a frying pan and then steals all his stuff, before casually walking away).

Hippo: Wait a minute, this bastard just stole our stuff.

Katie: Didn't you fucking notice? He was doing it all through his song! #Facepalm

Hippo: r00d.

Bloxx: Calm down, Kenny has intended for this to happen...

Katie: Kenny isn't real Bloxx!

Bloxx: He is too!

Kaley: Can we just focus on getting our stuff back? Ghost is already feeling up the Landlord's wife...

(Ghost is trying to feel Kovarro's breasts).

Katie: You're right Kaley, we need to get out before they steal the clothes of our backs. We should find Cam too.

Kaley: Good point, where is Cam.

Hippo: Over there...that idiot...

(Cam is shown, totally drunk, and chatting with Cheria).

Cam: (slurring) Master of the house...comforter, philosopher...lifelong mate...

Katie: What are we gonna do?

Bloxx: We ask Kenny for help!

Katie and Kaley: He doesn't exist Bloxx!

Bloxx: Screw you both! I'll prove to you that Kenny is real!

(Bloxx storms out of the Inn and into the cold).

Hippo: You two are so r00d!

(Hippo walks out after Bloxx).

Kaley: Well, this is bad, we should grab the boys an-

Katie: Shush...

Kaley: What the hell do you mean?! How dare you?!

Katie: Run Kaley...

Kaley: What?

Katie: RUN! Come on!

(The door and windows burst open, and Collin's flying monkeys begin to attack the people in the Inn. Kaley and Katie sprint to the back door, ignoring the safety of Masta, Ghost and Cam).

Katie: This way, come on!

(The back door is also broken down, and the girls are forced to climb into the third floor bedroom. A single monkey follows them in before they can shut the door. They're trapped).

Katie: Motherfucking dick suck cunt fucking fuck fuckity fuck fucker fucking fuck fuckers!

Kaley: Fuck.

(Grave is alone in his cell).

Narrator Riley: Meanwhile, in the village, Grave is locked in Collin's evil lair.

Grave: I miss much...

Song: I Dreamed a Dream

(Drummer appears outside the cell).

Drummer: Wow, that was good...

Grave: Fuck off Drummer.

Drummer: The thought of you and Ghost banging turns my on, but there's something missing. Not gonna lie Grave, your ballad just got me at half-mast. Now, I just need to find the missing ingredient...

(Drummer leaves).

Grave: I love you Brent, come back to me...

(Sam is doing his hair).

Sam: If I can't be a better hero than Grave, I'll be a better villain than Collin... And now no one can stand in my way. I am...The Sam... (He straightens his back) In the words of Derk, I AM THE WIKI!

(Collin has arrived at The Friendly Beth with his slut Relic, his private army of anons, and his army of flying monkeys surrounding him).

Collin: Who did you find?

(The monkeys bring out Cheria, Kovarro and Masta).

Collin: Where are the others? You incompetent fucking creatures! (Collin kicks the nearest monkey).

Cheria: Sir, may we go? You just destroyed our business...

Collin: Of course, you are more than welcome in our village if you wish to settle their for the time being, and I apologise for the trouble these rebels have caused.

(Masta wakes).

Collin: Ah, good evening Drew.

Masta: Fuck you, mark. (Masta spits in Collin's eye).

Collin: I want him dead as soon as we get home. Public castration.

Relic: Noted sir.

Narrator Riley: Things in the bedroom are also getting heated...

Katie: We need to confront him.

Kaley: Are you fucking crazy?!

Katie: They're gonna get us anyway, I wanna go out with a bang, then we can go with the plan.

Kaley: I need to help Masta. You do the plan yourself, but we need to do this when he's not expecti-

(Katie is already on the balcony).

Katie: Oi, Colin with one L, how is it down there?!

Collin: (with a sob) Why the fuck would you say that?!

Katie: YOLO

Collin: Monkeys, kill her!

(Katie retreats inside and closes the balcony doors).

Song: Defying Gravity


Character Statuses:

  • Grave is locked up
  • Collin is free and still being a cunt
  • Drummer is at half-mast
  • Ghost and Cam are missing
  • Masta and Kaley are Collin's captives
  • Katie has flown away with the flying monkeys
  • Bloxx and Hippo are missing in the mountains
  • Cheria and Kovarro are moving to the village
  • Vince is stirring shit somewhere
  • Sam is plotting

Next time, Act Two unfolds. Bloxx is alone on a mountain, Sam is plotting, and Drummer may finally get a boner...